MyCenterofWealth

Dear ME,

There are moments when one opportunity feels like it carries the weight of your future.

• An interview.
• An exam.
• A proposal.
• A dream you have prayed about for a long time.

And instead of feeling confident, you find yourself replaying all the things you should have done differently.

• “I should have prepared more.”
• “I wasted too much time.”
• “Others are probably more ready than I am.”
• “What if God does not help me because I did not do my part?”
• “If this does not work out, does it mean I did not trust God enough?”

This was the spiral I recently found myself in.

On the surface, I was worried about an interview, but underneath, I was wrestling with something much deeper. I was carrying the belief that my imperfections might make me unworthy of God’s help. That maybe grace had conditions. That maybe God helps the disciplined, the prepared, and the spiritually impressive but steps back when we procrastinate, doubt, or fall short.

Despite holding on to scriptures and promises, my mind still struggled to rest in them. In the heaviness of the moment, it felt difficult to truly anchor my thoughts in God’s word. I knew I was meant to trust Him and believe that His promises were enough, yet deep within, I found myself wavering — doubting, second-guessing, and quietly treating His words as though they were too fragile to hold the weight of what I was feeling.

Then I came across Psalms 3.

And it felt like David was describing exactly what was happening inside my mind – “Lord, how they have increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. Many are they who say of me, ‘There is no help for him in God.’ Selah.”

The phrase that struck me most was: “There is no help for him in God.” Because that was the quiet fear beneath all my anxiety. Not just that I might fail. But that perhaps God would not help me because I had not done enough. I realized my greatest struggle was not the interview itself. It was what I believed about God’s character. The real battle is about what I believe about God’s Heart toward ME.

I believe His help was something I had to earn. I believe my mistakes could place me outside the reach of His grace. I was treating God’s help like a performance bonus. As though the formula was: Perfect preparation + flawless faith = Divine Favor.

But that is not grace. Grace, by definition, meets us in our insufficiency. Responsibility is real. Grace Is real too.

Let me be clear. Preparation matters, faith is not an excuse for poor stewardship.

Yes, there were things I could have done better, hours I did not use wisely, lessons I could have learnt. Yes, my imperfections may affect my performance, but they do not cancel God’s compassion. I can admit where I fell short without concluding that God has withdrawn His help.

Like David said, “Many are they that say there is no help for me.” For me, the many are voices in my head — loud, relentless, and constantly shouting doubt into my mind.
• There is no help for me,
• You did not do enough.
• Others are better prepared.
• You are on your own.
• You are not the kind of people God help.
• You are done.

But I found an anchor in this verse…”But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head.”

Those words shifted my focus from my failures to God’s character. From my inadequacy to His faithfulness. From shame to security.

“What if I do not get what I am praying for? This was the question I was most afraid to face. I was terrified of praying like the three Hebrew men in Book of Daniel did … “Our God is able… but if not…” As I wanted the outcome very badly. I thought saying “but if not” meant giving up. It was a tug of war within.

Here is the truth I choose to hold onto:

Even though my preparation might not be on point, I let go of control and the outcome of things. I can ask boldly for what I want and I can trust God to help me. Because God’s help or his mercy is not earned, it is a gift. It is received through grace.

So, Lord I acknowledge that I could have prepared better. Thank You that Your help is based on Your grace, not my perfection. Please give me wisdom, favor, and peace. Show up for me. And even if this door does not open, although I want it very much, I let it go and I trust you and I will trust you.

I am grateful for the lessons:
• The voices may multiply.
• Self-doubt may grow louder.
• But the loudest voice is not always the truest one.
• The truest voice is your word – But thou oh Lord, art a shield for me, my glory, you lift my head

And I choose to steady my heart with those words.

With love,
Me