MyCenterofWealth

Dear Me,

I am writing to you from a place I never imagined I would be. A place between a promise and a result. A place between what I believed God said and what my eyes have seen. A place where faith and disappointment are sitting at the same table, both asking to be acknowledged.

You know the struggle to rest my trust in his words within the circumstances tugging my heart and if I am honest, this hurts more because I trusted. It would have been easier if I had walked into that interview unsure. It would have been easier if I had merely hoped for the best or relied only on my qualifications.

But I did not.

I prayed. I sought God. I waited on Him. I carried His words in my heart. When fear tried to whisper, I remembered his goodness of old and when uncertainty tried to shake me, I held onto his word – “I am with you and I will help you”. I carried the prophetic word the year 2026, my year of promotion. I did not just wish for victory. I stood in faith for it.

I prepared as though the door was already opening. I took every step towards it in faith. I walked into that interview with a quiet confidence that God had gone before me. I imagined the testimony I would share. I imagined saying, “Look at what God has done.” I imagined the joy of the announcement. The new responsibilities. The new influence. The confirmation that everything I believed was coming to pass.

And then the result came. Not selected. Not promoted. Not the ending I had already written in my heart. Not the joy I have rehearsed and dance steps I have rehearsed for this moment. I was stunned, shocked and speechless. I stood amid ruins of an expectation I had built with faith, not knowing what to do with it or how to express it. I looked for words or the right language to express emotions within – not happy but not sad – Yes. Angry? Disappointed or displeased? I could not tell.

But there is something within that mourns a position, a future I had already visited. The office I imagined walking into. The conversations I imagined having. The people I imagined celebrating with. The testimony I imagined telling. A future that never physically existed yet felt so real in my heart. And now I am left holding questions that I am almost afraid to ask.

Did I hear God wrongly? Did I confuse my desire with His voice? Did I make a possibility into a promise? Did I misunderstand what He was saying?

How do I reconcile the certainty with which I stood on His Word and the disappointment of an outcome that looks so different from what I believed He was leading me toward?

And if I am completely honest, there is a part of me that struggles with this transition, a part that wonders whether shifting from what I expected God to do to finding rest in who God is, means I am truly surrendering, or simply consoling myself because the answer I hoped for did not come.

It feels like I am giving up. Like I am lowering my expectation because I am tired of hoping. Like I am trying to protect myself from the pain of another disappointment. I truly do not know where to rest my heart. Do I continue to hold on to his promises for this promotion? Do I release it? Do I wait for another door? Or do I move on?

I am standing in a place of disorientation, where the map I thought I had, is no longer the map in front of me. But perhaps this is where the deeper work begins.

Perhaps surrender is not me lowering my expectation. Perhaps it is me relocating my expectation. “My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.”

My soul, be still. I know you are disappointed. I know you are confused. I know you are searching for explanations. I know you are looking for signs. I know you are replaying every conversation and every moment, trying to find where the story changed.

But rest.

Your expectation was never meant to be carried by a title. A committee. A manager. An organization. An interview result. Or even one specific path. They were channels. They were never the source.

And maybe God is inviting me into the most difficult and beautiful transition of all:

From His hand to His heart.
From His presents to His presence.
From seeking proof of His goodness in what He gives me, to discovering His goodness in who He is with me.

Because the same God who was with me when I entered the interview room is still with me as I sit with the disappointment. His presence did not leave when the result arrived. His love did not change because the outcome did. His faithfulness is not measured by whether my preferred “vehicle” was chosen or not. And perhaps the greatest promotion happening in me this year is not only a promotion of position. Perhaps it is a promotion of intimacy.

A promotion of surrender. A promotion of trust. A promotion from needing to understand His ways to learning to trust His heart. This does not mean I stop believing. It does not mean I stop expecting. It does not mean I close my hands and say, “I guess it was never meant to be.”

No.

I will still pray boldly. I will still prepare diligently. I will still position myself. I will still pursue excellence. I will still believe that what God has spoken, He is able to bring to pass. But I choose to  release my demand that it must happen through this exact door and in the exact way I imagined. And if this promotion is still the path, no human decision can permanently block what God intends and if not the path, no closed door can prevent what God has prepared.

My faith is no longer tied to a single vehicle. My expectation is tied to God. So, I will wait. Not passively. Not bitterly. Not with folded arms. But with open hands.

Hands that are willing to receive what God gives. And a heart that is willing to receive God Himself.

I will continue to position myself. I will continue to grow. I will continue to serve. I will continue to become. And maybe one day, as I read this from the other side of this chapter, I will understand why this season was necessary. I will see how the waiting formed me. How the disappointment deepened me. How the uncertainty purified my faith. How the unanswered questions drew me closer to God than immediate answers could have.

Until then, remind me of this – “The promise is safe in His hands, but my heart is safest in His”.

So, I will let my soul wait silently for God alone. Not because I understand His hand. But because I am learning to trust His heart. Not because I have received every present. But because I have discovered the beauty of His presence.

With hope from the middle of the story,
Me