MyCenterofWealth

Dear Me,

It has been a while. I know you know. I have wanted to write to you for some time, but it has been hard to put my thoughts down. There have been things I have been musing on, things I wanted to write about, but somehow, I could not find the words for them.

Not because I had nothing to say, but because there were too many things to say. Life got loud. And somewhere between doing, becoming, carrying, fixing, planning, waiting, and trying to figure things out, I could not even figure out what needed to be said.

So today, I am not writing about anything in particular. I am not here to tell you what I have done, what I have achieved, what I have figured out, or even to complain about what is not working. I am simply here to show up. To show up to the commitment I made with you – the commitment to keep writing to you, even when I do not have anything properly arranged to say.

And now that I am here, I might as well offload some of my thoughts to you. Because somewhere inside me, there are still many unanswered questions. Questions that scare me. Questions I sometimes dodge because I do not have the answers, or maybe because the answers feel too weighty to face. There are things I feel deeply but still do not have the language for. I am carrying a lot of dreams I still believe in, even when I honestly do not have any idea what to do with some of them.

Some days, I feel certain about who I am becoming. Other days, the confusion is so loud that I feel like scattered pieces of a puzzle, with no obvious link from one piece to another, and I am still trying to figure out what goes where. I wonder what you would tell me if you could sit across from me today, knowing you are there somewhere ahead of me – steadier, clearer, softer, wiser.

Sometimes I wonder what you can see from where you are. Do the things I am worried about now eventually make sense? Do the things I am stressing myself over become insignificant with time? Do some of these questions answer themselves? What would you tell me? Sometimes I feel like I have the cheat code to this life. And sometimes, it feels like life has the cheat code to me.

But anyway, whatever it is, I hope one day I get to sit with you and laugh about this version of me. The one who did not always know what she was doing but kept showing up. The one who sometimes doubted herself and still tried again. The one who was learning to choose peace without becoming passive. To trust without having all the evidence. To keep becoming without constantly criticizing who she was today.

I hope some of the things that feel heavy now eventually become stories I will tell with a smile. I hope some of the things I am trying so hard to understand become clearer with time. But for now, I will keep walking toward you.

And maybe I do not need to know every step. Maybe I do not need every question answered before I move. Maybe every time I choose differently, tell myself the truth, honour my needs, take the brave step, rest without guilt, or trust God a little deeper… I meet a little more of you.

So, Dear Me, this is me checking in. Nothing profound. Nothing perfectly figured out. It’s me showing up. And for today, maybe that is enough.

With love,
Me